Hai hai hai .
Its been a while since I last write on my blog. Well, I don't have enough time for blogging and I don't have so much to tell you guys about. I went to twitter instead. So, there's a reason why I came back. I've always expressing my feelings through twitter but it seems twitter doesn't have enough space for me to express my true feelings. I'm not gonna say this is a love story. Its just a sad like fucking sad story about what I've been through all this time. What I've been lying to my friends and even myself. You know girls right? We always says ' I'M OKAY ' but the truth is we're not OK. I'm NEVER 'OK' . Its been hard for me trying forget the past and start a new life where I can find peace , where I can enjoy myself like I used too , where I can find happiness , where I can smile again , where I can burst into tears of happiness. Well, I failed. I failed . I failed. I can never forget the past and I can never move on. I miss him, like seriously I miss him so so much. Only god knows how much I miss him.

This is for you, I hope you read this and know my true feelings for you.

You are ridiculously cute, handsome , charming and special. I don't know.... All I know is you put your spell on me , till I can't get to like any other guys. I mean, hey ... I'm trying to have a crush on other guys too. I'm checking them out. LOL. actually I'm not. I don't have time, I've been so busy preparing myself to face SPM and checking you out ! I can't believe I'm going to be 17 and finished high school. Time flies too fast. I just can't accept the fact that I'm getting older very fast. I don't wanna leave school. ohh, If only I can talk to you and telling stories and making jokes like we used too. I hate the fact I missed you every single day. uggh..

I actually made a move, I mean , I always stressed out whenever your name appears on my facebook sidebar, like everytime. no matter how many times I refreshed it, I don't get the meaning, but seriously facebook stress me out. So, I tried to block you at first, but then, I felt guilty , so I just ignore everything. Okay that's a lie. haha. I didn't block him because I've always miss him. Like I said before, I missed him every fucking moment. I stalked your facebook account , twitter , instagram and most of the time is your twitter. I couldn't control myself. Yeah, I'm a psycho ! Stay away from me. This is not a joke. I like stalking people. I guess its been my hobby since you left me.

When you text me and said we needed to talk. I knew what was coming. I felt it. I burst into tears, I knew what was you going to say. So, I text you back and acted normal like I didn't know a thing. And when you said you are leaving me, I keep on asking myself what did I do wrong. What did I do until you wanted to break off our relationship. I cried that whole night. I can never forget that moment. NEVER ! Started from that night, I never text or call you right ? Well, I forced myself too. I'm a women, I have my dignity to take care off. You're just a guy that's not meant to be with me. That's what I've been telling myself.

Even we are far away apart . We spent times like lovers , we laughed , we text sweet things to each other , we talked about getting married and having sweet little babies. I missed those times. We exchanged picture countless time. We missed ourselves. I had a great time with you. We created our own fairytale though.
You were like a shining star that brightens my night. You were an angle that was sent to save me and kept me safe from all those nightmares.

All those time when we were together, we always said "i love you" and you always said "i meant it" countless times. Its like you were never bored of saying it. All your word were pure and honest. WERE huh?
Now we are like strangers. Yesterday I was your everything and now I'm nothing. NOTHING.
If only I could turn back time and paused every sweet moment we had. I wanted to feel your love again.
I wanted to hear you say 'ILOVEYOU' 'IMISSYOU' again and again and again.
You know why I didn't text or call you at all? I know the reason, because you hurt me so much. that i can't even forgive you. ok... I'm lying. I guess i will if you ever come back again and start to talk to me... again.
Only if.... I don't expect much, you are doing well with your own life. and I'm doing just fine, without you....
Ok.. This is so fucking not true.

Right now, at this very moment, everything is gone now. We are not what we used to be. We are not those so called 'couples' any more. But let me tell you this, I will keep loving you like i used to. Hey, to be honest, from the first time we knew each other, my love, my feeling towards you, still the same, it didn't change a bit. i will accept you back no matter what, and i will patiently wait for you. Just promise me you won't flirt with anyone else, and please don't find another girl. You wont find a girl like me. You won't find a girl that will love you like i loved you. You're a good guy , lovely and cute too. and charming and so so sweet !


Loved,
Nadiah






new past